Joke #4074

A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly. ‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines. ‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer. ‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’ ‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer. ‘Where’s my Rolex?’
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Vote: has 70.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, lawyer, wife
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"? "Guilty", said the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!! At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?" He replied "He is my next door neighbor". The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments". The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives: 1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident. 2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident. 3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience. I'll take the lawyers heart. After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient: "Why did you choose the lawyers heart?" "Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, car, death, drunk, lawyer
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money
Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said “Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence.” Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence…but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before. “Satan!” beckoned God. “You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!” “Yeah? What if I don’t?” replied the devil. “I’ll sue you if I have to,” answered God. “Sure,” laughed Satan. “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
Vote: has 66.49 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, heaven, lawyer
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honour.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
Vote: has 82.86 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, lawyer
The father with his daughter are taking a walk to a public place of their town; "Ann! Why are you so nervously looking around?" observes the father. "How else can I find you a really good son in law, dad?"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, kids, lawyer
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir.
Vote: has 10.47 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer