Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle, he opens it and a Genie appears.
The Genie says, "I have been trapped for 1000 years.
As a reward you can make a wish."
Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage.
Once there, he goes to a bookshelf, pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of the Middle East.
This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years.
What I wish for is peace in the Middle East.
The Genie replies, "I don't know I can do a lot, but this? Don't you have another wish?"
Bill Gates thinks and finally says, OK.
The whole world hates Microsoft because we have conquered the software market and because Windows still crashes.
I wish you would make everybody love us.
The Genie says, "Let me see that map again."
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Two guys are fishing when one of them catches a fish.
He brings it in the boat and as he cuts it open to clean it, a genie pops out and says, "Thanks for freeing me. I will grant you one wish."
The fisherman looks around and says, "Well, we are almost out of beer, how about you turn this whole damn lake into beer".
*POOF* the genie grants his wish and leaves.
His partner slaps him on the chest and says, "What the hell did you do that for, now we have to piss in the boat!!"
Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen?
O2.zip
How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus?
Don't worry, they'll let you know.
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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish.
The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home.
The second guy wishes the same.
The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans.
Sure enough, he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish.
He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World.
The Genie pales, and says, "Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, woven into the very fabric of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen."
"Okay", the guy says. "Tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best blowjob I've ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading - just because she likes it, because she wants to, and because it turns her on."
The Genie shakes his head and says, "Let me see that map again!
What do you get if you cross an iPhone and a fridge?
Cool music.
Have you heard about the Viagra computer virus?
It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
Q: What do you call a programmer from Finland?
A: Nerdic.
Vote:
A man was strolling along a beach in California.
On giving the sand a kick he struck a corked bottle.
He bent down, picked it up and removed the cork.
Immediately, a Genie came out of the bottle and said to him, "Master, I have been a prisoner in this bottle for a thousand years and now you have set me free.
For that, I will grant you one wish."
The man thought for a moment then said, "I always wanted to go to Hawaii but I am afraid to fly and I get sick on a ship.
Could you build a highway from California to Hawaii?"
"Master, that is a difficult wish to fulfill.
Can you think of something that is more practical?"
The man thought for a moment and said, "Could you tell me why women are the way they are?"
The Genie thought for a moment before replying, "Would that be two lanes or four?"