How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
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Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail?
Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better".
So I installed LINUX.
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour.
Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas.
In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
"Sure," says the GM chairman.
"But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work.
To my horror, it came back with –2,193,674 rows affected.
Once a programmer drowned in the sea.
Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.
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Q: What do you call a computer expert?
A: A control-alt-elite.
Do files get embarrassed when they’re unzipped?
Why did the computer get cold?
Because it forgot to close windows.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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