On a crowded bus, an old lady noticed that a man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" she asked.
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."
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A Woman asks a Waiter What is this fly doing in my Ice cream?
The waiter says, "SHIVERING MADAM".
I want me a big black girl...the type of woman that sits in the car and it looks like it's got tinted windows.
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A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”
“I was stung by a bee!” she said.
“Where?” he asked.
“Between the first and second hole.” she replied.
He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman?
The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.
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Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
Answer: A widow.
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
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Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."
"There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works."
How can you tell she's a macho women?
She rolls her own tampons.