On a crowded bus, an old lady noticed that a man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" she asked.
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."
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Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic.
Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice.
Except for Chris Brown.
Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
Q: How do you fix a woman’s watch?
A: You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house.
Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you.
I've been having an affair with my secretary.
I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"
What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
Answer: “Lazy.”
This black woman was vastly overweight, and I mean MASSIVE and she went to see the doctor about her weight.
She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?"
The doctor replies, "Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!"
She says, "WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?"
The doctor says, "Next time your ordered food."
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills.
The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there, so he told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination.
Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat.
During the couple’s moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?"
"Screw NO, get your own woman," said the groom, "this one’s all mine!"