Why are women like parking spaces?
Because all the best ones are taken... and the rest are handicapped.
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There is woman at a mental hospital that are told to go out into the world and find out something new about it.
After about 3 hours she go back to the hospital and tell the the manager what she has learned.
The woman goes up to the manager and puts a large spider on the table and shouts, "BOO" and the spider scurries under the table.
She then picks up the spider, pulls all of it's legs off and shouts, "BOO" but the spider can't move.
The manager then looks strangely at the woman and asks her what she has learned about the world.
The woman replies, "When I pull all the legs off a spider it can't hear me!"
What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?
They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.
Is Lady Gaga wonder woman because we all wonder if she's a woman?
Whats six inches long, has a head on it and drives women wild ?
A fifty pound note !
An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear.
The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out.
After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well...it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...".
The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee...I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!".
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Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs and she said "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.
They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed.
The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.
The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off.
The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.
The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?".
To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
Question: What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Answer: Ten minutes of silence.
Women are just like fine wine.
I only like the white ones.
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