Joke #218

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemies but remember their name. 3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them. 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk!
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has 82.32 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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Valentines Slogans 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
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has 50.61 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, love, money, sex, Valentines day
After 5 hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 am?", said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture.", the man said. And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?", the cop asked. "My wife!!!" said the man.
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has 80.12 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, cop, wife
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
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has 54.77 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, drug, women
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There's clearly room for more wine.
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has 78.03 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, wine
Why has Guinness got a white head on it? So when you’re drunk you know which end to start on.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
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has 51.28 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, food, money
Chuck Norris lives in a Roundhouse... And his favorite drink is punch...
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has 39.42 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, Chuck Norris, life
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
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has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, chemistry, science
A man died and went to hell and was sitting on a stone looking very depressed. Another demon came up to him and asked: "Why the glum look, man?" The man replied: "Well I just died and now I'm in hell." But the demon just smiled and said: "Don't feel bad, it's not a bad thing at all. Do you like smoking?" the demon asked. The man's face lit up and he answered; "Yeah!" "Well on Mondays we all get together and smoke till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Alright!" creid the man. "Do you like drinking?" the demon asked. "Yeah!" The man answered. "Well on Wednesdays we all get together and drink till we die. The best thing is, we're already dead!" the demon answered. "Sweet!" cried the man. "Are you gay?" asked the demon. The man frowned and said: "No." The demon replied: "Oh, then you're gonna hate Saturdays..."
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has 75.00 % from 240 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, death, sex
Why did Tom come home drunk and leave his clothes on the floor? He was in them.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol