Joke #2251

"There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works."

Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!

Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

Question: What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Answer: Pregnant.

Q: Who was the best business woman in the Bible? A: Pharoah's daughter – she drew a profit from the rush at the bank.