"There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works."
Q: Why do women have tiny feet? A: So they can stand closer to the sink.
Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.
Recruits got a shock when their Army basic-training instructor turned out to be an attractive female sergeant. Her assistant, however, was a burly, hawk-nosed veteran whose glare could freeze water. At the end of training, the attractive instructor congratulated the recruits and said that if there was anything she could do for us, just ask. From the back, a voice called out, "How about a kiss from the sergeant?" "Sure," she replied, raising her hand to quell the laughter. "But I'll let my assistant take care of it!"
Q: How are women and tornadoes alike? A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
Q: Why do women wear black underwear? A: They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Q: Why can't women read maps? A: Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.