What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
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What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actually, it's kangaroo!
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Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk.
But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
(A gummy bear!)
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers.
He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said.
"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said.
"Here, let me hold your monkey."
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization.
The only way to get home was to swim.
The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning.
The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark.
The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?
A dandy lion.
A baby hedgehog lost itself, in the garden.
Sad, he strolls from here to there, whereupon he bumps in a cactus and full of hope he says:
Mama, is that you?