What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
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Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.
What do dinosaurs put on their floors?
Rep-tiles.
Why did the frog cross the road?
Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly.
So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
"May I buy half a rabbit?"
"No, we don't split hares."
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog.
After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man.
However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner.
The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction.
He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him.
The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash.
He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.
By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated.
As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf.
She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him.
The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
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