What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again? A dirty double-crosser!
The mouse and the elephant pas together over a bridge, very proud the mouse says: Do you hear how the bridge vibrates under OUR footsteps?
Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he'll say, "ass" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple." This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny. He exclaims, "R is for rats big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"
A young man named Joe bought a horse from a farmer for £250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse within the next few days. A couple of days later, the farmer drove up to Joe's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died." Joe replied, "Well, then just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I've spent it already." Joe said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with it?" Joe said, "I'm going to raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't flog a dead horse!" Joe said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month Later, the farmer met up with Joe and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?" Joe said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £5 a piece and made a profit of £2495." The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?" Joe said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £5 back."
What did the male squirrel say when the female attacked him... Get away from my nuts.
Yo' Mama is so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.