What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
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How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end?
It was won by a hare.
Why did the frog cross the street?
Because the chicken crossed the road.
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A milk dud.
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
(A gummy bear!)
Two rabbits are in a garden and one of the rabbits says, "Thith carrot tathes pithy."
The other rabbit says, "Yes, I know, I just pithed on it."
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra ....
After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra
Eventually died
What happens when sharks take their clothes off?
They go sharkers.
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat.
The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo.
The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again.
He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."
How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts.