What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser!
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla?
An animal that puts you out at night.
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes.
When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?"
God responds, "You are what you are"
The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question.
One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes"
The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
Q: What did the apple say to the worm?
A: You're boring me.
What do tigers wear in bed?
Stripey pyjamas.
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
How slime flies.
Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Q:Where do you find giant snails?
A:On the ends of their fingers.