What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
Ground Beef.
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How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end?
It was won by a hare.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear?
Hare today, gone tomorrow.
Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind?
A: A maybe.
A man has a racehorse, never won a race.
Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?
He whale-d.
Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.
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Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady if she had a woman that could handle 16 inches.
"Hmm," said the madam. "I'm not sure. Try the first door on the right."
So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and immediately heard screams.
"It's too big! Take it out!" So he went to the madam.
"No, really. I need someone who can handle 16 inches."
"Hmm," said the madam. "Try the last door."
So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and had the time of his life, surprised that there was no scream at all.
In fact, he heard no sounds at all.
Puzzled, he finished up and pulled out.
"Talk to me, baby."
"Moo."