How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper.
My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her. "...........dishes."
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: "What are you doing?" Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Q: How do the makers of Celebrex celebrate? A: Fuck if I know
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriends house and the girlfriend said to her mom, "Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room" and the mom says, "Ok honey, you kids have fun." When they are up their the mom hears: "Baby baby baby oh!" The mom walks to the door and ask, "What the hell is going on?" The girl says, "Mom were just having s*x." and the mom says, "Oh thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber."
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what's going on and his mother tells him, "We are making fishsticks". The next day the kid says, "Mom were you making fishsticks again?" And she says "Why, yes, how did you know, honey?" And the kid replies, "Well, you have a little tarter sauce on your mouth."
Can I read your t-shirt in braille?
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.