Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. They're called Dikes.
They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
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The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday.
I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...
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A woman was suspicious in the loyalty of her husband for a long time and she decided to make him jealous.
"My love, what would you say if I was having sex with your best friend?"
"I'd say you're a lesbian!"
Lesbians can also take Viagra.
They don't have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?
A. Finger painting.
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Q: Why was the lesbian sick?
A: She was lacking vitamin D.
One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting.
Later, he asked what "bitch" and "bastard" mean.
They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."
The next day, he overheard his parents having sex.
He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean.
His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."
At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."
A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner.
Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello bitches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"
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"Is it rape if it's your wife?"
"I don't think so."
"What a relief!
I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
One day God came down and said to three guys that the less you cheat on your wives the better the cars you'll get in heaven.
So the first guy went to heaven after cheating on his wife 67 times and he got a Mercedes.
The second guy went to heaven and had cheated on his wife 2 times and he got a Ferrari, then the third guy went to heaven and said that he had never cheated on his wife and he got a Bentley.
Then one day the third guy was all sad and depressed and the first and second guys asked him what was wrong and the third guy said, "I saw my wife the other day" and the first guy said "yeah, so" and the third guy said " she was riding a skateboard."
Did you hear about the two lesbians who bought an organ so they could play hymns?