Joke #4683

In bed my girlfriend used to mentally dress me.

The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.

How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed? Her toes curl up when you screw her.

Vaginas are like weather. When it's wet, it's time to go inside.

‘I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.’ Steve Martin

GOD said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” “Gladly, Lord,” replied Adam. “What do you want me to do?” “Go down into the valley.” “What’s a valley?” asked Adam. God explained to him, then said, Cross the river.” “What’s a river?” God explained it to him, and then continued, “Go over the hill…”. “What’s a hill?” God explained to Adam what a hill was, then said, “On the other side of the hill, you will find a cave.” “What’s a cave?” After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a woman.” Adam asked, “What’s a woman?” So God explained that to him too. He continued, “I want you to reproduce.” “How do I do that?” “Jeez,” God muttered under his breath. He then sighed and explained the birds and the bees to Adam. He liked that concept very much, so he went down into the valley, across the river, over the hill and into the cave where he found a woman.” A little while later, Adam returned and asked God, “What’s a headache?”

Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...

My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw... She must think I'm made of coat hangers.

How can you tell if your girlfriend’s frigid? When you open her legs, the lights go on.

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."