Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it. "Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad. "But what about the 10,000 dollars?" "Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."
How do lesbians handle their liquor? By the ears. (Lick her)
If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see a naked women, then one of the boys run away. The other chases after him. The boy asked "Why did u run away?" The other said "My mom told me if i saw a naked women i'd turn to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."
Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end. He'll come out a wide receiver!
Billy woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty. Instead of going to the kitchen though, he goes to his parents’ bedroom, while they were about to have sex and his father had a condom in his hand. The father, surprised by his son entrance, bent over pretending to look for something. "What are you looking for?" Billy asked. "Aw, well..hmm.. I’m looking for a little mouse!" the father lied. So, Billy spontaneously: "Why..? To “jump” it..?"
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life. After some years of pointless searching, she didn’t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper. A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately. On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy. When she entered the room she stood steal... She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room. "But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked. "Look.. I’ve never been with a woman, but if it’s the same as with the kangaroo, then I’ll need the whole room to catch you!"
Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A: Because red means Stop.
Q: When does a cub become a boy scout? A: When he eats his first Brownie.
"Hey, I have a magic dildo for sale," he says. "What? There's no such thing," she replied. "No seriously, if you don't believe me try it out in the bathroom. All you have to say is 'magic dildo my pussy.'" A bit skeptical she agrees and takes the dildo to the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out. "Wow, that was great!" She says. She ends up buying the dildo and leaves the store. On the drive home she starts to feel a little frisky and figures why not try out the magic dildo. Well she's really enjoying herself. The car is swerving and she rolls through a red. She ends up getting pulled over by a cop. After she rolls down her window she tells him the whole story. She explains about the magic dildo and the shop. The cop says, "Magic dildo my ass."