Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
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Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
Ben asks his new girlfriend for a hand job.
"Ive never done that" she says, "what do I do ?"
"Well" replies Ben, "remember when you were a kid and you'd shake a coke bottle and spray your brother with it ... that's what you do."
She nods, so he pulls his manhood out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it.
A minute later, he has tears running down his face, snot flowing from his nose and wax flying from his ears.
She asks 'Whats wrong ?'
Ben cries "TAKE YOUR FUCKING THUMB OFF THE END!"
Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke?
A: Your mom can't take a joke.
Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper?
So she can lip read.
Two lepers playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off.
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: Your jeans fit like a glove.
Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sex with?
Anything for the family.