Joke #3909

What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher? They both got fired.
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has 49.12 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: sex

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A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?" And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed." "Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?" And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make." "And what is the name of this position?" "You know, imagine the missionary position."
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: friendship, marriage, mean, sex, stupid
Mom was very upset when she found a bondage S&M magazine in her son's room. She showed it to her husband when he got home. He handed it back to her without a word. She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?" "Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."
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has 76.99 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, family, sex
Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
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has 34.57 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: food, sex
Q: What do you call a Republican politician who hasn't been connected to a gay sex scandal? A: Due.
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has 52.63 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: gay, political, republican, sex
Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, flirt, sex
Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
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has 72.34 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, flirt, food, sex
Vaginas are like weather. When it's wet, it's time to go inside.
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has 78.01 % from 1417 votes. More jokes about: sex, weather
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."' "But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
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has 78.70 % from 309 votes. More jokes about: geography, military, priest, sex, war
A young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it? He said he'd offer to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
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has 78.60 % from 379 votes. More jokes about: sex
At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"
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has 77.37 % from 329 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, life, sex