What do you call a frog with no legs?
It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
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At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?”
Most of the hands go up.
“And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?”
About half the hands stay up.
“Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?”
Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd.
“Gosh, that’s pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh…, been *intimate* with a ghost?”
One hand stays up.
The speaker blinks.
“Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?”
The fellow suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry,… I thought you said goat!”
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
How far can a rabbit run into the woods?
Halfway.
After that she's running out of the woods.
Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina?
A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.
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A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger!
Beware of Dog’.
He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor.
‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper.
‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper.
‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
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Who held the baby octopus to ransom?
Squidnappers.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin.
Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
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