What do you call a frog with no legs?
It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
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Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat.
When I looked at my tire I discovered your cat.
Sorry...
Customer: "Waiter, do you serve crabs?"
Waiter: "Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."
Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose.
Ortoise: How does he smell?
Gemma: Awful!
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog.
After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man.
However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner.
The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction.
He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him.
The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash.
He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.
By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated.
As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf.
She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him.
The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
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A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
How do you know when you re eating rabbit stew?
When it has hares in it.
There is a lady laying in bed.
At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fat pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.”
His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.”
Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”
Why was cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.