Joke #6683

Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal

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What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster. (Try saying that fast!)
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup." Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.” T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?” The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo Momma is so fat… That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.
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has 77.96 % from 407 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, Yo mama
I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.
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has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
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has 39.18 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, fart, women
What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.  Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news".  "Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first." The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."  The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crayfish and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."  He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.  "Geez, thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... so what's the other possible good news?" "Well", the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"
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has 52.23 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, marriage, travel, wife
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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has 35.12 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, hunting
Q: Why are tigers religious? A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal