Q: What is a bee that cant make up his mind? A: A maybe.
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
Q: why did the cow cross the road? A: So he could pass the milkyway.
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
A doctor, an architect, and an attorney were dining at the country club one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog. The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, “Hippocrates, come!” Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts. The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, “Sliderule, come!” Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie. The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called “Bullshit, come!” Bullshit entered and was told to do his stuff. Bullshit immediately sodomised the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice? A: He didn't give a hoot!
As horses say to one another. Any friend of yours is a palomino!
Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work.
Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.