Why did the gag-writer turn green?
Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
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A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when there was a knock on the door.
He opened it, and saw nobody, so he closed the door and went back to his paper.
There was another knock, so he opened the door again.
This time, he looked down and saw a small snail.
"Mister, could you spare some change?" the snail said.
The man picked up the snail, threw him into the bushes, and went back to reading.
A year later, there was another knock at the door. It was the snail.
"What'd you do that for?"
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees
The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.
"You've given me one too many" I said.
"That one is a freebie"
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn't give a hoot!
Vote:
Why do moths fly with their legs open?
Cause they've got huge mothballs!
Which big cat should you never play cards with?
A cheetah.
Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand?
A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.
Vote:
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away.
Why are rabbits never gold?
How would you tell them apart from goldfish?