Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere?
Yak the Ripper.
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What does an octopus wear on a cold day?
A coat of arms.
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial?
Odour in court.
Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.
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Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
What should a rabbit use to keep his fur neat?
A harebrush.
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
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Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm.
He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing."
The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck".
The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
A family is driving in their car on a holiday.
A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car.
He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.
Frog is grateful, thanks the man, and tells him that he will grant him a wish.
Man says: please make my dog win the next dog race.
Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car.
The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.
The man says: "Well, then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area."
Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.
Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.
The frog turns to the man and says: "Could I please have another look at the dog?"