On what should you mount a statue of your cat? A caterpillar!
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"? Billy: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' Teacher: No, that's wrong Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. “I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed. That’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen.” “Nah, he’s not so smart,” the friend replied. I’ve beaten him three games out of five."
Q: What is red and black? A: A sunburnt zebra.
What is a buttress? A female goat.
Yo mama cooking so bad, the flies chipped for a screen door!
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin? Pingu-Pong.
Why did the frog cross the road? To see what the chicken was doing.
Why did the gag-writer turn green? Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth.