On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A young man named Joe bought a horse from a farmer for £250.
The farmer agreed to deliver the horse within the next few days.
A couple of days later, the farmer drove up to Joe's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died."
Joe replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I've spent it already."
Joe said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with it?"
Joe said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't flog a dead horse!"
Joe said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month Later, the farmer met up with Joe and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"
Joe said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £5 a piece and made a profit of £2495."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Joe said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £5 back."
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?
A: He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots.
They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight.
They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance they looked like hares.
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A little bear.
A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head.
The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my ass?
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
Why is manna from heaven like horse hay?
Both are food from aloft!
On the show Man v.s Wild, when they talk about the profesionals that Bear recieves help from, they are refering to Chuck Norris.
Vote: