Why do zebras have stripes?
Because the spots where all over.
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How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?
He tried to stirrup some interest!
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?
Boobies.
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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What famous painting do cows love to look at?
The Moona Lisa.
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
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Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one
What a HippoCrip.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus.
He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!"
The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!"
The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."
The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar.
He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more".
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "lets see him play this!"
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes.
He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouted out " See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!"
And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes...
as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!"