Joke #2492

The coach says to the boxer encouragement words: The other one will surely win, but at least look at the cameras and smile...

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.

"Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them."

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing." Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!" Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

Q: What do you get when you cross an alligator with a road runner? A: A 100 mph nigger eater.

In France, Chuck Norris accidentally won Tour de France by exercise bike.

Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

Football match Romania – Russia. Romania wins and receives a telegram from Russia: “You’ve won! Stop. Congratulations! Stop. Oil! Stop. Gas! Stop...

Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married? A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed. When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job. Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!

How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.