The coach says to the boxer encouragement words: The other one will surely win, but at least look at the cameras and smile...
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
What time does Andy Murray go to his bed? Ten-ish.
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs. One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional. The second guy says, ''I'm a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.'' They asked the woman, ''What are you?'' She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.''
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong. He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS! When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
A man went to England on a trip and met a woman there, they grew to like each other enough for her to come to America with the man on his flight home. When they got back to America the man said, “I would like to show you an American pastime: baseball.” So the next day the man took her to a baseball game. The first man came up to the plate and hit the ball to right field and got to first base, the next man bunted the ball and got to first base, and the third man came up to the plate and got walked. The man said, “Are you understanding this game?” The woman answered, “Yes, but what I don't understand is why the thrower hurls the ball at the first man and he hits it. Then he hurls the ball at the second man and he taps it and runs to where the other man was standing. And then the third man, this is the part I don't understand, the thrower hurls the ball and he just stand there, and he hurls the ball at him again and he just stands there, and he hurls the ball at him again and he just stands there, and he hurls the ball at him again and he just stands there then he just walks to the place where the other man was standing.” Then the man says, “Well that is because he has four balls.” The woman says, “Poor thing! He couldn't run if he tried.”
The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own. "No worries," Jonah told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened." After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3. "What!!!!" said a furious Josh Kronfeld, "How did you let them get three points??!" Jonah replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."
When Chuck Norris plays dodge ball... the balls dodge him.
Julia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils. One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field. Julia approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said that she was. Some time later, however, Julia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself. Going up to her again, she enquired, 'Would you like me to be your friend?' The girl hesitated, then said, 'Alright,' while looking at Julia with some suspicion. Feeling she was making progress, Julia then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?' 'Because,' the girl said with a large sigh, 'I'm the goalie!'