To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive. For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "Your dog can't swim!"
Why can't girls play hockey? Because their pads can't last three periods.
How about we march into your red zone and I'll split the uprights? High five!
Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and Georgia Tech? A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.
Micheal Jordan to Chuck Norris: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you? Chuck Norris: (laughs) How do you think the earth spins?
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
What's a mexicans' favorite sport? Cross country.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!" The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!" The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''