Joke #2547

I thought I told you to lose weight. Says the coach. What happened to your three week diet that I told you to keep? Well, I finished it in three days!
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: sport

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A Scottish man was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!” This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game. The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye ba$$tarrd, rrrun!” Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he got four balls.” The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!”
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: game, sport, time
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts." They all broke out into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling. Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he turned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?" The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".
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has 46.48 % from 203 votes. More jokes about: cat, doctor, game, sport
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."
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has 18.64 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: sport
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA
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has 70.81 % from 820 votes. More jokes about: black people, sport, white people
What did the trampolinist say? ‘Life has its ups and downs, but I always bounce back.’ Tennis
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: sport
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a worthless idiot' is it?'' Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your parents."
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, football, game, sport
What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? "When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
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has 24.92 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: fish, golf, sport
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of them and he immediately fell to the ground clutching his hands together in his groin, and rolled around in obvious agony. The woman rushed over and immediately began to apologize "Please allow me to help, I'm a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'll allow me" she told him." "Oh no I'll be all right, I'll be fine in a few minutes" the man replied, still lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. Following her persistence however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them at his sides, she loosened his trousers and put her hand inside. She administered tender and skillful massage for several long moments and then asked "How does that feel?" He replied "It feels fabulous, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: sport
After meeting with Chuck Norris' lawyer the UFC have changed their name from "Ultimate Fighting Championship" to simply "Fighting Championship."
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class? A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: hipster, sport