I thought I told you to lose weight.
Says the coach.
What happened to your three week diet that I told you to keep?
Well, I finished it in three days!
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Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!
One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work.
He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa.
So Stan goes over to his wife and starts fucking her from behind.
After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head.
His wife yells, ''What was that for!?''
To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''
Chuck Norris has won tennis match against a wall.
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Q: Why is horse racing so romantic?
A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
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Q:What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis?
A:Telling your parents that your gay!
Q. Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
A. Just in case they get a hole in one.
One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late.
His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead.
The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.
To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did.
My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
What do golfers use in China?
China tees!
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods.
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