What time does Andy Murray go to his bed?
Ten-ish.
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Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
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A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Joseph in the games anymore.
The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"
"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.
"Well," says the husband, "neither would Joseph."
What’s the difference between England and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Basketball
Ricky Ponting's wife calls her husband but Australian Cricket Team Manager attends the call.
Ricky's Wife: "Hello Can I talk to Ricky, this is his wife."
Australian team Manager: "Sorry, he is just going to bat, I am the team manager, any message for him."
Ricky's Wife: "No Problem Manager, I will hold on!"
Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
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A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things.
I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care.
Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
A lawyer and a basketball player want to make a deal.
Suggest a place where both of them would be happy to meet.
Of course, they should at the court.
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Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."
George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Bill Clinton were on the yellow brick road, going to see the Wizard of Oz.
When they got there, the Wizard of Oz said they could each have one wish.
''I want to have brains,'' said George W. POOF! He got some brains.
''I want to have a heart,'' said Dick Cheney. POOF! He had a heart (albeit a problematic one.)
''I want to have courage,'' said Colin Powell. POOF! He had courage.
Finally it was former President, Bill Clinton's turn. ''Well, what do you want?'' asked the Wizard.
Clinton thought a moment and asked, ''Ummm... Is Dorothy around?''