What time does Andy Murray go to his bed?
Ten-ish.
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Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?
Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
The coach says to the boxer encouragement words:
The other one will surely win, but at least look at the cameras and smile...
Julia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils.
One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field.
Julia approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said that she was.
Some time later, however, Julia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself.
Going up to her again, she enquired, 'Would you like me to be your friend?'
The girl hesitated, then said, 'Alright,' while looking at Julia with some suspicion.
Feeling she was making progress, Julia then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?'
'Because,' the girl said with a large sigh, 'I'm the goalie!'
Four men were stranded in a desert.
Suddenly, 1 of them died.
The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body.
The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver."
The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest."
The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs.
One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional.
The second guy says, ''I'm a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.''
They asked the woman, ''What are you?''
She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.''
Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
All the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the USA.
Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game?
Because all the fans have left.
Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A: A baseball team.
There was a school about learning roundhouse kicks.
No one finished it.
Why?
Chuck Norris kicked them with a roundhouse kick.
It's his only weakness so no one must know how to do Roundhouse Kick!
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What you call a wrecking ball, Chuck Norris calls a punching bag.
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