Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? A. "Is that you mommy?"
Kid threw the butter out the window, he wanted to see a butterfly.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!
Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
The song Santa Claus is Coming To Town was originaly called Chuck Norris is Coming To Town. They changed it so the children wouldn't live in fear.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal’. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him ‘Juan’. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ‘But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.’
What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game. The cashier: - Are you stupid? This isn't real money! Peter: - You're stupid. The car is not real either.
One day a mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."