Joke #255

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? A. "Is that you mommy?"
Vote: has 44.47 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

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You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie. You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You ever cut your grass and found a car. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner. You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'. You own a homemade fur coat. The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You can get dog hair from out of your belly button. The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction. People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Vote: has 35.23 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, car, drunk, kids, wife
Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move? A: The splits!
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, gym, kids, sport
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Vote: has 64.34 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." "No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
Vote: has 74.20 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

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I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight... But honey, what about our kid? What kid? So you are not you pregnant?!
Vote: has 60.84 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

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My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Vote: has 75.77 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, car, kids, wife
What's white, furry, and shaped like a tooth? (A molar bear!)
Vote: has 14.74 % from 69 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!
Vote: has 31.97 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, kids
What did the red light say to the green light? Don't look I'm changing!
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

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What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
Vote: has 65.88 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, kids, sex