Joke #255

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? A. "Is that you mommy?"
Vote:
has 38.03 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: kids

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?" "A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here." Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
Vote:
has 66.63 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, kids
"Where did you born?" "At the hospital!" "Don’t tell me! And what were you in for?"
Vote:
has 28.62 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: hospital, kids
The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
Vote:
has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: kids, money, wine
What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie? Putting the shoes on the flies!
Vote:
has 26.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: kids
Q: What sports team is the least safe around children? A: The Nashville Predators.
Vote:
has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: kids, sport
A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
Vote:
has 38.34 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: car, dad, driving, kids
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
Vote:
has 64.17 % from 469 votes. More jokes about: catholic, husband, kids, marriage
Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat? A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.
Vote:
has 48.41 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: cat, kids, kitty, money
Deer Hunter. A sportsman, and father of 3 sons, was anxious to share his latest kill with his family for Sunday dinner. He didn't want his sons to refuse tasting the delicious venison, so he sat the boys down to dinner without telling them what the meat was they were about to eat. "Oh come on Dad," said the oldest son. "What is this meat?" "Just taste it," said the father, "You will love it." The boys eyed each other nervously and put a piece of the meat on their forks. "Give us a little hint.", pleaded the second son. "Only if you take a bite.", said the father. As each boy took a cautious bite of the venison, the father continued, "Let me think, your mother calls me this from time to time." The oldest boy shouted, "Spit it out boys, it's asshole!"
Vote:
has 67.28 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, food, hunting, kids
A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig. She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty. "Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?" "That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."
Vote:
has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids