Joke #2572

A little boy asked his mother: Mummy, why are you white and I am black? Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.
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One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?". His teacher replies "NO" Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me". "OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger". She again says "NO". "But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again. "Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher. Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON" Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
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One day a women walks into work in a short skirt. As she’s walking to her desk she gets stopped by a co-worker, who says, “Your hair smells really nice today.” She grimaces and stomps into her manager’s office. She says,”I want to file a sexual harassment complaint!” and then relates what happened. The manager says, “What’s wrong with him complimenting how your hair smells?” Furious, she snarls, “He’s a midget!”
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There is nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don’t fall off.
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In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
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This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying, "I need a man, I need a man." So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying, "I need a bike, I need a bike!!!"
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Why do so many women fake orgasm? Because so many men fake foreplay.
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A voice inside said to me: ”Calm down, you are not the first doctor who sleeps with his patient!” And another voice answered: ”but you are a veterinarian!”
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How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? When his hand caught fire.
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One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.” The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.” The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?” The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”
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These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. The guys said "What’s that board for?" The trader said, "Well, where you’re going there are no women and you might need this." They said "No way! We’ve sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don’t use them. I’ll refund your money next year." "Okay," they said and left. Next year this guy came into the trader’s store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren’t you in here last year with a partner?" "Yeah" said the guy. "Where is he?" asked the trader. "I shot him" said the guy. "Why?" "I caught him in bed with my board."
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