A little boy asked his mother: Mummy, why are you white and I am black? Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.
Your best friend has three girlfriends. Their names are Doe, Ray, and Me. All 3 want to do something special so they set up some dates. Three days ago Doe kisses him. Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal sex. Yesterday, who sucks his dick?
Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
Did you hear about the idiot who put ice in his condom? He wanted to keep the swelling down.
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A. Locking the car door.
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
Did you hear about the new ‘morning after’ pill for men? It changes their blood type.
A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money. The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat. So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself? Yes. Me too? Of course. And how much do you think I would cost? 500 francs. What?! Only 500 francs?! Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.
My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven't been so great - they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.