A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error.
Not long enough."
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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
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A guy buys his first motorcycle.
The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting.
A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house.
Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break.
After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up.
He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family.
No one says a word.
Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her.
Silence.
Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table.
Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance.
The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket.
"OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
Which is the most confusing day in America?
Father's day!
80% don't know whom to wish.
Rest 20% are scared someone will come and wish them.
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Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
By sitting down before the last guy gets up.
Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving?
A: “Thanks for coming!”
Q: What did I do in the bed last night.
A: Your mom.
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
Q: Why is life like a penis?
A: Women make it hard!