Joke #3557

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Roses are red violets are blue. My dick has glue I offer it to you.

A husband and wife are walking down the street when a beautiful young woman blows the husband a kiss. ‘I met her last week,’ explains the husband. ‘Professionally of course.’ The wife replies, ‘Which profession? Yours or hers?’

I dont understand why people say sex is good in the shower. How do you guys not get your laptop wet?

I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night. I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad. I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum." He said, "I'm not."

One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt. He said to her, "If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle." The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, "If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." The wife grabbed her husband's penis and replied, "and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!"

Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"

Q: What's the worst part about sex? A: When they wake up!

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.” The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.” The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?” The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”

Yo mama's so fat when she is having sex, her partner doesen't know if it's in her butt or her boobs.

A guy went to a supermarket and began to smoke. Miss salesman: "Sir don't smoke here." Guy: "I've just bought the cigarettes from here." Miss salesman: "We sell condoms too; so that is not why you fuck me here."