Joke #2616

There is the story of a preacher who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
Vote:
has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: money

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
Vote:
has 42.26 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health, money
Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', Asked Robert. 'I'm going to Nairobi', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get 4000 a night for what I give you for free! 'Robert said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife. Robert said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on 8000 a year!'
Vote:
has 59.39 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: money, sex, travel, wife, work
Yo mama is so poor that she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
Vote:
has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: insulting, money, Yo mama
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Vote:
has 84.55 % from 143 votes. More jokes about: money, wife
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."
Vote:
has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: money, travel
My grandfather came from a very poor family. The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
Vote:
has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: money
A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Vote:
has 85.72 % from 2819 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, dirty, food, money
I and my two mates went to a hooker and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch. My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner! My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50! I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.! "What do you mean," they asked me. "I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."
Vote:
has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: communication, friendship, money, sex, time
How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.
Vote:
has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman out shopping. ‘I haven’t eaten anything in four days,’ he says. She looks at him and says, ‘God, I wish I had your willpower.’
Vote:
has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: money