Joke #4140

A woman goes to her bank with a cheque from her husband. The cashier tells her it has to be endorsed, so she writes on the back, ‘My husband is a wonderful man.’

Q: How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood? A: The Mexicans start buying car insurance.

English Class Teacher: "One day we will be corruption free. Which tense is it?" Student: "Future impossible tense."

Remember when we spent money like there was no tomorrow? Well, it’s tomorrow.

A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk. "What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging." "Tax," replies the clerk. "Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.

I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."

Why don't black people pay rent? Because jail is free.

A man hires a taxi to take him to court for his bankruptcy trial. When they arrive he says to the driver, ‘Well, I suppose you might as well come in too.’

How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”