Joke #4344

We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.

I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’

A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"

Q: How do you know you've got a good tax accountant? A: He's had a loophole named after him.

Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.

After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

Yo' Mama is so poor, her face is on the food stamp.

‘If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.’ John Paul Getty A woman rings her insurance company. ‘Our house burnt down and I want £100,000,’ she says.

Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!" I said, "£100 and it's yours."