We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.
What do you call an Asian billionare. Cha Ching.
A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer. "Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want." The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
Money talks – all mine says is ‘Goodbye!’
You will never see a car worth over $10,000 with an Obama sticker on the back.
I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money.
Yo momma is so poor she ran after a trash can truck with her shoping list.
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance? A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
How to tell who is Jewish in your class, drop a penny and see who gets their first.
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks. ''What's your name?'' The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'' ''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.'' The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?'' The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.'' ''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?'' ''Yeah, he's my dad.'' ''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?'' The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?'' The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'' ''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.'' The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'' The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there.