Joke #2617

A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer. When she had forked over $7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.

Q: What travels at 200km's a hour? A: A Mexican hearing a dollar drop to the ground.

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00." A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00."

Yo' Mama is so poor, when you ring her doorbell, she sticks her head out the window and yells, "DING DONG!"

Q: Why don't you ask Yoda for money? A: He is always a little to short.

John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?” “John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”

My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."

How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.

Did you hear about the cover-all insurance policy? If you bump your head, they pay you a lump sum.

I was eating and enjoying my food when a man entered into the restaurant where i was eating with a brief case. I guess he is a politician cause his dressing and pot belly portrays it. He walked and sat down as every body looked at him. Suddenly a woman came to him and started crying. The woman knelt down and told him that her children die of hunger since her husband died. This man opened the brief case and gave this woman five thousand dollars. The woman jumped up and left the scene in happiness. I was still watching when another man started crying and came to him. He knelt down and begged him that he need a money to establish a business. This man brought out three hundred thousand dollars cheque and gave it to this man. This time, i started murmuring and practicing on the lie i will blow to have my own national cake. I started crying and came to the man. Immediately i knelt down, I heard "Cut! cut! cut!". I turned and saw the laughing director of the movie. Shame almost killed me.

A 67 year old Billionaire from Yorkshire marries a 26 year old woman and takes her down the pub to introduce to his mates... When his mates see him walk through the door with his new wife they can't believe their eyes. "By eck old lad! How av you managed to pull a reyt nice lass like her?" The Yorkshireman replies, "It was easy! I gave her a bit of the old Yorkshire charm and then just lied about my age as well." "Ah I see, so you told her you was fotty?" Asks his friend. "No ya daft bugger! I told her I was 90!"