Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
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A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do.
Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
What is a Zebra?
A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.
How many men does it take to please a woman.
Impossible.
Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why?
Theres no place like home ...
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with 3 Playboy Playmates
A: Hugh Hefner.
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter...
I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.
Question: What happened to the only man that finally figured women out?
Answer: He died laughing.
A masked man walks into a bank and holds it up at gunpoint to rob the bank.
In the process of robbing the bank, his mask fell off.
He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face.
She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.
He then turned to the teller that was beside the one her just killed and asked if she had also seen his face.
She said that she did and he shot and killed her too.
He then turned to a man, a customer who just happened to be in the bank when the robbery was taking place.
The robber asked the customer if he had seen his face.
The customer replied, “No, but I’m pretty sure my wife did.”
At a Whitehouse party for past presidents.
Michelle Obama caught Barron Trump making faces at Sasha.
Michelle walked over to reprimand the child and said, "Barron, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Baron looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Obama, you can't say you weren't warned."