Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
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A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road.
She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.
After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"
"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.
"Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.
It should be opened by the time she brings it.
A Woman asks a Waiter What is this fly doing in my Ice cream?
The waiter says, "SHIVERING MADAM".
A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.”
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets.
He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.
He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Vote:
Q: What do a woman and a bar have in common?
A: Liquor in the front, Poker in the back.