How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
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A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk."
Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Sex is when a guys communication,
enters a girls information,
to increase the population,
for a younger generation,
do you get the information...
or do you need a demonstration.
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed?
A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
Vote:
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates."
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The Irishman replied, "These are Carol's"
Q: Whats the most worthless thing on a woman's body?
A: A Mexican.
A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.
Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "There's no call for that.
You go right up there and tell him off.
Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.
"Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000."
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood.
A few actually smirked.
But the patient’s daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"
"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women’s brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."