How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
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A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?
A: They all get the house.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
Q:Why did the woman cross the road?
A I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?
Why was the name "P.M.S." chosen ?
Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken...
How do you make a woman scream twice in the bedroom?
Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on the curtains.
Vote:
Question: Why did God give men penises?
Answer: So men would at least have one way to shut a woman up.
A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and hugged her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife.
You look exactly like her."
"You worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.
The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.