How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb? 4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position. His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?" "Not even a little," said the young man. "How about alcoholic beverages?" "Never touch 'em," he replied. The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?" The applicant said, "No, not really." "So you don't have any vices?" "Well, I do have one," he admitted. "And what would that be?" the boss asked. "I tell lies."
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Q: How do you blind a woman? A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter... I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is tobe her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud,but everyone at the table heard thepouf. Before she even had a chanceto be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!". The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes laterthe woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing! Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"
What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections? A whine and cheese party.