How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.
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Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
A beautiful woman who had a golden little plane necklace was seated next to a guy on the plane.
During the flight all the time he was gazing at the necklace.
When the woman asked him: "Are you interested in my necklace?"
"No lady; I would rather its runway!" answered the guy.
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The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges.
That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent .
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies.
"They usually just ride the camel into town."
Q: Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
A: So they don't whistle on the way down.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the little amount of time you're inside them.
Q: Whats the most worthless thing on a woman's body?
A: A Mexican.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
A masked man walks into a bank and holds it up at gunpoint to rob the bank.
In the process of robbing the bank, his mask fell off.
He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face.
She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.
He then turned to the teller that was beside the one her just killed and asked if she had also seen his face.
She said that she did and he shot and killed her too.
He then turned to a man, a customer who just happened to be in the bank when the robbery was taking place.
The robber asked the customer if he had seen his face.
The customer replied, “No, but I’m pretty sure my wife did.”
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings.
Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver.
The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."