An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company.
The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check.
"That's humiliation," shouts the Iraqi, "why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back.
I want my money NOW!"
The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head.
After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money.
The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, "Tell me why you didn't sign the check the first time but signed it later on?"
The Iraqi said, "You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it."
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What kind of money do polar bears use?
Ice lolly.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
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Billy, learned at school that everybody has secrets.
So, he decided to take advantage of it.
One day, as he came home from school, he went in front of his mother and told her: "Mommy, mommy! I know everything!"
His mom, obviously scared to death: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your father about it, okay?"
"Okay mommy!" says Billy and leaves the room with a big smile on his face.
When his dad came from work, he did the same to him as well: "Daddy, daddy! I found out everything!"
Numb, his father puts his hand on his pocket: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your mother, okay?"
"Okay!" says Billy with a bigger smile on his face.
The next morning, on his way to school, he sees the Postman.
He thought he could try it to him too: "Mr. Focker, I know everything!"
The Postman, the minute he heard it, fell on his knees and wide opened his arms: "Then, come... Come closer... My son!"
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.
One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
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A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower.
After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00.
The lawyer, enraged, says:
“I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!”
“Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.
Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.
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If Asda is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the shop free yet?
Q: Why is divorce so costly?
A: Because its justified, despite all the trouble.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast.
I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself."
So she agrees.
Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?"
She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"
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