Joke #2701

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. "It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register. "How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one. A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went. "Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"

An actuary priced an automobile ‘fire and theft’ policy with an extremely low premium. When asked why it was so cheap, he said, ‘Who’d steal a burnt car?’

I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there.

Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.

Harry applies for a job at a finance company, the manager tells him the job is his if he can crack their toughest account. Harry goes off and comes back two hours later having recovered the entire amount. ‘Amazing!’ says the manager. ‘How did you do it?’ ‘Easy,’ replies Harry. ‘I said that if he didn’t pay us, I’d tell all his other creditors he had.’

He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.

In 2011 someone asked Chuck Norris if he had ever been to Portugal. He answered: "Where?" The country went bankrupt.

Yo momma is so poor she ran after a trash can truck with her shoping list.

Q: When do Democrats like the idea of a flat tax? A: After it reaches 95%

Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.