The child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother: “What did you learn today?”
Kid: “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”
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Chuck Norris graduated from the School of Hard Knocks with an MBA - Mega Bad Ass.
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Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!
Joey and Katie are sitting in school.
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.
"Correct." Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?"
Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"
Teacher: Can you tell me where Napoleon came from? Pupil: Course I can. Teacher: Very good.
Pupil: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
Teacher: "Of course not."
Pupil: "Good, because I haven't done my homework."
Teacher: "I will call your parents!"
Elementary student: "No! I’ll be a good boy!"
Junior High School Student: "Pffff… Anyway…"
High School Student: "Send my mother my greetings!"
Boy: “I’ve just had the most awful time.
First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis.
Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis.
They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.”
Friend: “Wow! How did you pull through?”
Boy: “I don’t know.
Toughest spelling test I ever had!”
The teacher said to the children: "In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep left behind?"
"None", little Jim say.
"None?" says the teacher surprised. "Jim, you’re clueless in math."
"And you, misses, are clueless in sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the other will follow as well!"
Your mama so old she sat next to Moses in the second grade.
The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class?
Let’s start with you, Robert.”
Robert: “The artwork.”
Teacher: “Very good. And you, Peter?”
Peter: “Her tits!”
Teacher: “Peter, get out!
Go stand in the hall!
And you, Johnny?”
Johnny: “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”