Joke #2746

What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.

My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.

A man answers the telephone to find a doctor from the hospital's emergency room on the other end. "Sir," explains the doctor, "Your wife was in a serious car accident. I have bad news and good news." The man, taken back, asks hesitatntly, "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is your wife has lost all use of both arms and both legs. She will likely be on a respirator for the rest of her life." "Heavens, Doc, what's the good news?" The doctor replies, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

Q: Where do one-legged people eat? A: IHOP.

John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter. He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.

If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.

I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, "Thank you. Please come again."

Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!

A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven. Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!" St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.

Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window. If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.