Joke #12680

Knock-knock Who is there? A shattered penis with many diseases. What kind of illness? Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis... Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.
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has 70.85 % from 496 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health, knock-knock, mother in law, vulgar

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Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him: "What happened here, man?" "Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said. "Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?" "My dog bit her…" "You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?" "Get in line!"
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has 80.01 % from 179 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, dog, mother in law, work
A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying. He walks over to her and asks what's wrong. "I've never been hugged before" she says. Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her. She soon starts crying again. He again asks what's wrong, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before." The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss. She starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem. "I've never been fucked before" she says. So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're fucked."
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has 78.78 % from 706 votes. More jokes about: black humor, romantic, sex, vulgar, women
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
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has 78.39 % from 550 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Chuck Norris, health
Knock-knock Who's there? Fuck. Fuck who? You.
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has 78.37 % from 415 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, vulgar
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
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has 76.99 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, health, heaven
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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has 75.17 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health, kids
Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
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has 74.89 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
Knock,Knock, Who is there? Pen! Pen who? is...
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has 74.01 % from 302 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, knock-knock, vulgar
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
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has 72.33 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health