Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window.
If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.
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Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”.
Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
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And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
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A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."
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Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
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What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl?
Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
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Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
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A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.
I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died.
I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial.
Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
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