Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window.
If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.
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Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
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While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
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Q: How do you get 15,000 followers?
A: Run through Africa with a water bottle.
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After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".
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John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter.
He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.
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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
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Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die."
Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
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A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother:
"Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale."
"Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."
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Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
A: To see her crack.
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