Since it started to rain, my wife can't stop looking through the window.
If it will start pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside.
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How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
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A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.
Lorraine dies suddenly.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?"
Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
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After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”.
Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
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"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"
"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
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Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race?
A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.
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What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
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Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
Because they're headcases.
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Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
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