Joke #9649

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.

What's pink and chunky? A baby with leprosy.

Q: What's red, white, and cries a lot? A: A baby with a razor!

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."

Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face? A: Stop laughing and reload.

Q: What was Hitler's favorite toy as a kid? A: An Easy-Bake Oven.

Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses? A: Because their afraid of the showers.

This could be considered the ideal world for many men: His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties. His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy. A picture of his wife on the milk carton.

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

At the doctors office: Doc: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live…" Man: "Doctor what on earth are you saying?”, clearly chocked, “Tell me what can I do to live at least a little linger, please…" Doc: "Do you eat fried food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ill do it" Doc: "Do you eat fat food?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok doc" Doc: "Do you stay up late?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… ok" Doc: "Do you have sex often?" Man: "Yes! Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I’ll do that too" Doc: "Do you smoke?" Man: "Yes" Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "If it’s so that I live more… I will" Doc: "Do you drink?" Man: "Yes..." Doc: "You must stop!" Man: "OK doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me, how longer will I live?" Doc: "You will still live for a week… but it will seem like a century…"