Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
A: How do children in Baghdad do? A: Bombastically.
Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common? A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
Q: What do you call a Jew with a mental disability? A: Auschwitztic.
One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow. He said he can't walk.
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple? A: The Holocaust.
These two guys are riding in a convertible down a road in the desert, the road runs alongside a railroad as they are driving, as they are driving a train goes past, on the train a guy is on the train, clutching his stomach and grunting, his buddy leans over, and asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The guy replies, "I gotta shit real bad, and I can't reach the bathroom in time!" His buddy tells him "Hang your ass out the window, and let it fly." The guy hangs his ass out the window and the shi t flies back and hits the convertible. The guys in the convertible say "Damn, that guy on the train spit tobacco on us!" The guy asks his friend "Hey, pull over when the train stops and we'll find this guy and kick his ass". After he finishes talking the guy driving the car slows down. His friend says "Why are you slowing down, don't you wanna beat this guy up." His friend says "No!" The other guy says "Why". His friend says, "Number one, that is some of the stinkiest tobacco I've ever smelled, and number two, did you see the jaws on that son of a bitch!"