Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
Q: What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? A: There are twenty of them.
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
Q: What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? A: Hey y'all... Watch this!
Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable? A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.
If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart. Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple. The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
Want to hear a clean joke? The boy took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.
Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race? A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.