In a monastery senior sister announces to other sisters:
I have a good and a bad news for you.
The good one is that they have broughts to use a lot of carrots.
All the sisters start whistling happily.
But one of them asks:
What are the bad news?
Carrots came grated.
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
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What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday?
A dead puppy!
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Q: How do Asians name their babies?
A: They throw a can down the stairs.
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Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars.
The last one was called the Hindenburg.
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Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?
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Q: How do you get a black out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
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What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
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The other day a friend and myself decided to try out an aerobics video because we were both feeling very unfit.
We put the tape in and started to copy the movements.
After a few minutes we had chopped each other's arms off with chain-saws.
It was only then that we realized that I had accidentally put "Psycho Killers III" in the video by mistake!
How we laughed!!!!
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