I got in trouble during high school for masturbating in the showers.
Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.
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How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
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Chuck Norris has travelled many places and seen many faces.
So too has his boot.
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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
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I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Q: How many Jews can you fit in a car?
A: 2 in the back 2 in the front and 6.23 million in the ashtray.
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Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
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They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!"
Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!"
Father: "But you have to start with something!"
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