I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...
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A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port of France, and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.
Oui monsieur; what is the destination port for this load?
I’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.
Wouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?
Why is that sir? If you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese; of course!
Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?
A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.
You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me."
Sports Broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."
Lebron better than Jordan?
Ha! Yea right.
Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
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Yo mama's feet are so ashy, it looks like she kicks flour for a living.
Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking."
Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Q: What's the difference between a black fairy tale and a white one?
A: White one starts like "once upon a time" Black one starts like " y'all muthaf*ckas gotta here dis"
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