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The neighbor from below told me that If I flood him once again, he will rape me.
So I turn on the water. I sit and wait.
Have you heard about the Viagra computer virus?
It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach wearing just a pair of cutoff jeans.
Sure enough, he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish.
He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World.
The Genie pales, and says, "Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, woven into the very fabric of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen."
"Okay", the guy says. "Tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me, with the best blowjob I've ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading - just because she likes it, because she wants to, and because it turns her on."
The Genie shakes his head and says, "Let me see that map again!
Q: Chuck Norris invented the internet?
A: Just so he had a place to store his porn.
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Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: Your jeans fit like a glove.
Kamasutra says:
If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one.
And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
Insurance companies are trying to set new guidelines before approving Viagra coverage.
What will they use to set those guidelines?
A growth chart.
Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
A: To get to the bottom...
A woman walks into a dildo shop to buy a dildo.
After a few minutes of looking around she approaches the clerk.
"Excuse me, do you have anything bigger?" She asks.
The clerk shows her a few items on the shelf.
"I'm looking for something bigger than those," she says.
The clerk pauses for a moment, "I think I might have what you're looking for, but it's expensive."
"Oh that's fine," she says.
The clerk leads her to the counter where he was sitting and pulls out a massive chrome cylinder.
"$500" he says.
"Oh wow," says the woman, "that is expensive, but it's perfect."
The woman hands the clerk $500 and happily leaves the store.
The store owner comes out and asks the clerk, "so have you sold any dildos?"
"No, but I sold my thermos for $500."
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep?
A: When the big hand touches the small one.
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