Joke #4763

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. “Do you have health insurance?” she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.” The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?” He replied, “No money in the bank.” Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun. He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.” The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.” The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”

Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men? A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

Q: Why can women play hockey? A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.

A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill. However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a problem." "Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks "I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"

Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.

One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him. "What you staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?" "Yeah. I screwed a parrot once. I was wondering if you were my son?"

A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"

Q: What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue? A: Well hung.

The pregnancy report of Santu’s wife came. Doctor said, "Oh, nothing to get excited, it was just the gas problem." Santu looks up at the sky towards the God and says, "Lord, What have you given me, a penis or an Air Pump."

Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.