Joke #2817

The old woman comes to a gynecologist. He inspects her and says with the surprice: An old woman, you're pregnant! How did you managed at your age...? Oh, those teens. They always asks to tell them everything, then show and give to try...

I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions'

Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day. They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The other two asked how did he do it. He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure.

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don’t see why not," replies the doctor. "That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."

Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.

A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."

When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".

Life is an open door. It can be closed at any time, so don’t complain about the draught.

Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist? He got the sack.

The best way to make somebody remember you is to borrow money from them.