*WINS AN OSCAR*
Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.
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Customer: "No, I can’t."
Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?"
Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it."
Doctor: "Why?"
Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
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Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky.
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How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
On the Internet you can be anything you want.
It's so strange that many people choose to be stupid.
Q: Why is life like a penis?
A: Women make it hard!
I can't tell if I'm depressed or just an adult.