*WINS AN OSCAR*
Me: I'd like to thank my legs, for always supporting me; my arms, who are always by my side and lastly my fingers, I can always count on them.
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Patient: "I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber at this time of night."
Doctor: "Don’t worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two birds with one stone."
What did the blanket say to the bed?
Don't worry Ive got you covered!
My dear old dad always said he had two big disappointments in life: the dog ran away and I didn't.
Mr. Brown was telling his son a bed-time story.
"Once upon a time there was a white bunny..."
"Jeez..dad it's boring,what about science fiction?"
"Ok,Ok" Mr Brown said.
"Once upon a time there was a Bunny who got onto a spacecraft and...."
"Dad, a little more grown up!"
"Do you promise me not to tell your mom?" asked Mr Brown.
" I swear!"
"Ok", "Once upon a time there was a naked bunny..."
A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal."
Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit."
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day?
A: TWERKY!
Vote:
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital.
The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"
"I don’t see why not," replies the doctor.
"That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.