Joke #9063

Q: Why are politicians like diapers? A: Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
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has 85.61 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life

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There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, geography, life, technology, work
Q: How did the hail stone describe its life? A: It really has a lot of ups and downs.
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: life, weather
An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew. After some time, one said to the other, "If you don’t mind my saying so, you don’t look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck." "Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee." His friend agreed that was bad luck. The other one continued. "You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off." "My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?" "Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye." "My, My,(not real sailor talk) did that take your eye out?" "No, that was the first day I had my hook."
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has 80.86 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, health, life
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
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has 85.46 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: bar, church, food, life, priest
Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining: 1.
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has 82.72 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: family, life
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
A poor minister was having trouble managing his church. The income was pitiful, the plumbing rattled, the roof leaked, the air conditioning didn't work, and the church didn't have the funds for any repairs. The minister got a brilliant idea. He bought a book about hypnosis, and read it from cover to cover. At the next service, he took out a watch and chain, swung it back and forth, and lulled the congregation into a hypnotic trance. He said, "I want everybody to walk down the aisle and put $20 in the plate." They did, and he had the church's roof fixed that week. This worked so well that the next Sunday he decided to do it again. Taking his watch out, he proclaimed, "I want everybody to come down the aisle and drop $100 in the offering plate." They did, and he got the air conditioning fixed and the parking lot redone. His third Sunday, he got to thinking, "I haven't been paid in a long time. I deserve a little money." He started swinging his watch again, and he thought, "I deserve a lot more than a little bit of money. I deserve enough to go overseas and have a cottage on the beach. I deserve a lot more." He got so excited about what he was fixing to receive, that his hands started to sweat and as the watch slipped from his grip, he yelled: "S**t!" It took him two weeks to air out the church.
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has 82.31 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: church, life, money, work
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy." I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
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has 58.52 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: life