Q: Why are politicians like diapers?
A: Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
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The best way to make somebody remember you is to borrow money from them.
Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it.
Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: She will "let it go let it go".
You want to come in my life, the door is open.
You want to get out of my life, the door is open.
Just one request.
Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
When a White guy is...
Scared- He gets even whiter.
Cold- He turns Blue.
Angry-He turns Red.
Stoned- Gray duh.
Sick- He turns Green.
When a Black guy is...
Scared- He stays Black.
Cold- He stays Black.
Angry- He stays Black.
Stoned- He stays Black.
Black Man to White Man: And you calling us colored.
Vote:
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."
The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."