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There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half an hour.
Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking.
Here, I'll buy you another drink.
I just can't stand seeing a man crying."
"No, it's not that.
This day is the worst of my life.
First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office.
My boss, in an outrage, fires me.
When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police say they can do nothing.
I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there.
The cab driver just drives away.
I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener.
I leave home and come to this bar.
And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars.
The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum replied, "No."
Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said, "No."
Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Man goes to the doctors and sayes "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !"
Doctor replies "Do you drink much ?"
Man says "no, I spill most of it !"
Did you hear about the man who drank 5 gallons of tea?
He drowned in his teepee!
Vote:
Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
A: Tequila Mockingbird
A feminist walks into a bar that has a sign marked: ‘For Men Only.’
‘I’m sorry, ma’am,’ says the bartender.
‘We only serve men in this place.’
‘That’s OK,’ she says. ‘I’ll take two of them.’
This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 glasses and start filling them up with beer.
So the bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him drinking them straight down.
The bartender says, "hay buddy what's your hurry?"
The man replies, "if you had what I have you would do the same thing."
The bartender backs up and says, "what do you have?"
The man anwers, "about 75 cents!"
Three women sitting in a bar having a drink.
Their boyfriends are all named Georgie.
One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them.
The first one says "I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up."
The second one says "I'll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me."
And the third one says "I'll name mine Jack Daniels."
The others say "Hey!
That's not a softdrink that's a hard licker!".
She says "That's My Georgie!!"
"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."
Two frat boys were lost at sea aboard a life raft.
On the fourth day, a mermaid came out of nowhere and offered to grant them one wish.
The frat boys thought hard until one shouted, "I wish the ocean was a sea of beer."
And their wish came true.
After they swam and drank in the sea of beer, the other boy shouted, "great, now we have to pee in the boat!"